Ridiculous Hypotheticals: Bear vs. Shark

After a mildly successful Ridiculous Hypothetical #1, The Couchwarmers are happy to bring you the second installment in what we hope will become a recurring series here. This one goes back to a scholarly debate that would come up somewhat frequently while I was at school. After graduation, I brought this question to some friends at my job. Several new rounds of heated deliberation followed.

While we all had our opinions though, this question has never been decided scientifically (you know, by website voting). Therefore, I think it's about time we settled this one once and for all. Today's question:

If a bear fought a shark in neutral territory, who would win?

The explanations and ground rules:

From Pork Chops to Clambakes

This weekend, I head up to a friend's house in New Hampshire for a legit New England clambake -- you know, the one where they cook up lobsters, steamers, etc. with the seaweed and everything. It sounds absolutely perfect, except for the profuse case of the seafood sweats I'm sure to get by the time I'm on my second lobster. Whatever. It's gonna be awesome. Yet another experience to cross off my list. When I wake up from my food coma, I'll have a full recap for you.

Now occupying the top spot on my bucket list of eating experiences: a pig pickin'. If you or anyone you know is having one, drop me a line. I spent the first twenty-one years of my life in the south and I still haven't crossed it off my list. That's just embarrassing.

But whether you're spending this glorious Memorial Day weekend at a clambake, a pig pickin', or whatever they do out west, I hope it's a great one. Yes, my friends, this is the official unofficial start of summer. And that makes The Couchwarmers very, very happy.

An Interview with the Pork Chop Guy

Evidently the pork chop wasn't the only thing he stole last night -- yes, a FOX Sports microphone was also on the list, as you'll see in this video. First, Pork Chop Guy interviews Bizarro Jon Gosselin, who manages to bring strip clubs into the conversation. Then, watch as PCG polishes off the last bites of his stolen pork chop. Finally, after being told that he was going to be a YouTube sensation, PCG's final words: "I'm gonna sell t-shirts."

Would I buy a Pork Chop Guy t-shirt? Maybe. Would I try to get one sent to Kim Jones? Absolutely.



Thanks for reading The Couchwarmers, your news source for everything Pork Chop Guy-related.

My Final LOST Post

After re-watching the entire finale yesterday, it's time for a final post on the matter. This basically is just one gigantic spoiler though, so I'm putting it after the jump to save those of you who are still holding out. You're welcome.

Attack of the Hungry Rando

Kim Jones of the YES Network was talking about all the wonderful new food options at Target Field, such as the always delicious pork chop on a stick, when all of a sudden, a Yankees fan crept up behind her and OM NOM NOM NOM. Michael Kay sounds repulsed, but in my opinion, he's just jealous that someone else got to Kim Jones' porkchop before he did. Here's the video:



UPDATE: Major League Baseball made me take it down! I'm important! Hooray!!!

A Call for Guest Writers

Recently, some of you have asked me, "Sam, how can I get a guest post on The Couchwarmers?"

Well, ask no more. I'm making an executive decision here. As long as you have an idea that's funny and/or interesting, you're in. Just as CNN has its iReports, which is basically a way for them to get other people to do the work that CNN is supposed to be doing, I have you guys.

I know you have ideas. I've heard them. I've even probably stolen a few of them. But if you guys want your say, I'm opening up the floor. Now, a brief FAQ:

Sean Avery's Tuesday Night Hat Trick

Sean may not be playing hockey again until October, but it's good to know he's still finding ways to keep himself in shape. Yes, clicking on that link brings you to this picture of three girls in bathrobes. Or possibly two girls and one dude in bathrobes.

It's also important that Sean led off his tweet with the smiley face -- that's how he lets us know that it went well. Without that, I'd be stuck here worrying that Sean Avery had a night of bad four-way sex. Thank God for that smiley.

Or maybe Sean was going for the after-dark version of the Gordie Howe hat trick: Pleasuring one of them, assisting another in pleasuring herself, and punching the third in the face. That would definitely explain the one in the middle.