Saturday, May 1, 2010

Ridiculous Hypotheticals: Toilet vs. TP

In case you missed Part I, here's everything you need to know. Basically, we asked for you guys to weigh in on if you could only have toilets or toilet paper for the rest of your life, which would you take? We gave you guys a chance to voice your opinions before we put it to a vote, and the emails were everything we had hoped for. Without further ado, the arguments:

Those in favor of the toilet:
"The better team won in the tournament, the toilet is clearly the better invention, let me explain. First of all, if there was no toilet, our backyards would become a sewage system faster than anyone would be comfortable with. That's obvious. The other obvious reason is that you could substitute other paper products for TP (Note: Don't use extra absorbent paper towels...just trust me.) But, let me get into my real argument, and for that matter my problem with TP. Let's just say hypothetically, that someone were to grab a handful of shit and throw it at your face. I'll let that thought marinate for a minute.......good. Now let me ask a question, when you went to clean that off, would you just grab some paper towels and wipe it off? Of course not, there would be vigorous washing with soap and water and probably a few showers. Therefore, why is it that we just wipe with TP? It seems like we should be doing more than that to really take care of the situation. That's why if we didn't have TP we'd still be OK. The toilet is a necessity."
"I polled 6 of my coworkers and the decision was toilets! Objects to be used in place of toilet paper were tissues, socks, and even one's sleeve."
"Do you realize how bad 19th century Paris smelled?"
Those in favor of toilet paper:
"I'd rather the poop be everywhere else than on me."
"Toilet paper is more important and essential to have than a toilet. You might say that there are substitutes for toilet paper such as tissues or paper towels. Let's be honest, tissues rip, and paper towels are hard. You can go to the bathroom anywhere outside, yet finding a good substitute for toilet paper outside is hard. Most leaves are either wet or too dry that it will break once used. Also, if you go to the bathroom outside there are no after effects. Not wiping after taking a crap has a ton of after-effects."
So there you have it. The poll's on the right. Let's settle this once and for all.


  1. Without toilets, where would sam spend all of first period every morning?


    Plenty of toilet paper alternatives. Toilet is necessary and the clear winner

  3. Kleenex is totally an acceptable alternative to toilet paper. I bet 85% of the populace has been forced to use kleenex in a pinch (no pun intended). Like a party at a friends house, and you don't know where the spare TP is kept but the kleenex box is a short pants-down-waddle away. It absolutely does the trick, especially if you grab, like, 6 or 7 at a time.