Weekend Recap, Now with a Dude Named Balls

Welcome back for another work week, loyal readers. If you haven't already, be sure to check out our toilet vs. toilet paper recap. For those of you who are upset about having to start another week of work/school, here's something that's sure to put a smile on your face:

Yes, put a smile on your face -- unless of course, you're a panflute enthusiast. But I'm pretty sure that those don't actually exist. (Googles it) Well, shit. Let's move on to the weekend recap.

Weekend Recap, Now with Fried Enema

Welcome back for another work week, loyal readers. For those of you who are upset about having to start another week of work/school, here's something that's sure to put a smile on your face:

Originally we were gonna go with this picture, but the one above just seemed to "stick."

Now, on to the weekend recap:

Weekend Recap, Now with Braille Pornography

Welcome back for another work week, loyal readers. We'd also like to extend a special welcome to all of you who are coming over from Deadspin. Stick with us and we'll fulfill all your wildest dreams, especially if you vote in the championship game of our invention bracket.

For those of you who are upset about having to start another week of work/school, here's something that's sure to put a smile on your face:

Thanks to Bradley, Patrick, Brian, and Aaron for sending us .mp3s of the Creed Marlins song. For your effort, all of you get shout-outs, although the ones that Patrick and Brian sent were the best quality, so they're the only ones who will receive the beer/cookie combo. For those of you who want the song, we're more than happy to share.

We're also very happy to announce that The Couchwarmers will be live-blogging the first round of the NFL Draft this Thursday night. Suggestions for draft-related drinking games would be highly appreciated. Just put them below in the comments. And now, on to the weekend recap:

That Weekend Where People Watch Golf

That'll wrap up another tough work week here at the Couchwarmers. Consider this your last reminder to vote on the Elite 8. Matchups come down sometime tomorrow.

Daniel's Tiger post was a good one, but I'm going to quickly pile on with a few of my own not-as-serious thoughts. In yesterday's post, Daniel outlined why he's rooting for Tiger this weekend. His reasons were valid, and his logic was good.

I, however, am rooting against Tiger. Always have. And this has nothing to do with his personality or his recent parade of whores. As a Yankees fan and a Duke basketball fan, I just need to be able to root for the underdog somewhere. I appreciate Tiger's undeniable skill, but sometimes it's just nice to see someone come out of nowhere to take him down. Plus, as a former 240-pound adolescent, I understand what it's like to be a dude with boobs. So....go Phil.

Also, if you haven't seen the amazing parodies of Tiger's creepy new Nike commercial, look no farther.

A few more thoughts to close out the week:

A Fist Pump for Tiger

Tiger Woods teed off at the Masters at 1:42 PM ET today and with that, we can (hopefully) put all the other stuff to rest and just marvel at his dominance. Frankly, I was never outraged by Tiger's affairs because a) those girls were, to quote my mother, "some top-of-the-line hookers" (so at least he wasn't knocking boots with, you know, the Steve Phillips targets of the world) and b) as a devout follower of both sports and politics, I've seen this story play out too many times before. Powerful people surround themselves with loyal handlers (who don't say peep until the proverbial feces hits the allegorical fan), the handlers arrange for the powerful people to be "accompanied" on the road and then they do it all over again at their next stop. The handlers tee it up; the powerful people drive it down the fairway. I'm pretty sure Tiger's capable of doing that.