Thursday, November 11, 2010


No, I'm not actually cleaning my house. I would never do that. But as I sit here watching hockey and contemplating whether the most pathetic 5-on-3 I've ever seen belongs to the Rangers or those overweight divorcees I saw in that eight-way gangbang, I realized that I hadn't said hi in more than a week.

Also, when I typed "hockey gangbang" into Google image search, that Bert and Ernie pic is what they gave me on Page 1. Or would have given me on Page 1 if Google Image Search still had pages.

But the real reason I'm here is to hold myself accountable. Over a month ago, I promised a review of the Rogers Centre. That hasn't come yet. Conveniently, I'm able to blame the research paper I turned in yesterday. But now that that's finished, I have no excuse.

Well, except for that tomorrow I'm going to California. I'll just be there for the weekend for a wedding. If you're reading this, Disner -- congratulations. And when you're signing the official name change certificate for yourself, try not to cry.

While I'm on the topic of giving shout-outs, I'd like to give one to my brother too, who just got accepted to Columbia to play tennis.

Fun fact: I'm currently on a one-match winning streak against a current Division I college player. When my brother was 9, he was convinced he could beat me at tennis. I was 16 and had argued my way onto my school's JV team, so while I was fat and lazy, I wasn't awful.

We played. I won 6-0. He left crying. I left feeling pretty damn good about myself. If anything, it was a lesson in humility. And that's don't challenge your older tennis matches.

And if he challenges me again? I'll choose not to play. A winning streak is a winning streak, regardless of the circumstances.

Oh, and I also promised Sam Silverman a shout-out if he got me a lobster roll on visiting day at my camp a few months ago. Consider this your shout-out. Thanks for the lobster roll. It was delicious.

Now on to the to-do list:

1) Rogers Centre Review: You know, the Toronto baseball stadium. The good. The bad. The hopelessly Canadian. Everything.

2) Peter Luger: The Brooklyn steakhouse/food institution. I went there for the first time a few weeks ago. I'll let you know what the best item on the menu is. Teaser: it's not the steak. Intrigued? Nah, you probably don't give a shit. It's the bacon. But I'll have more on that later.

3) California Food Review: My first-ever trip to In-N-Out Burger. In an attempt at some culinary foreplay, I've been looking at hamburger pics online for like a week.

Hey, the Rangers just won. Good for them. And now, it's time for 30 Rock. Have a wonderful weekend. I'll be breaking out the shorts and sandals for one last 2010 hurrah.


  1. you don't wear those sandals every day all year?

  2. Real men never cry, regardless of what their women force them to do.