Weekend Recap, Now with a World Record 215 Underpants

Welcome back for another work week, loyal readers. For those of you who are upset at having to start another week of work/school, here's something that's sure to put a smile on your face:

USA-Ghana Preview

Dan (not Daniel, but another Dan) was born and raised in California. In today's match, he'll be rooting for Ghana. He has an explanation for this, but it's not a good one. As he is the expert on the Ghanaian soccer team, he's been nice enough to give us a preview of the game:

As the foremost expert on the Ghanaian national soccer team in Sam’s circle of friends, I’ve been asked to write a preview of the upcoming round of 16 match between the US and the Black Stars. I’ve been hooked on Ghanaian soccer ever since the second day I spent studying abroad in Accra, when I got ripped off buying a Ghana jersey and needed to find a way to justify the expense. 

In the interest of full disclosure, I rooted for Ghana when they beat the US 2-1 back in 2006. Despite the cries of “Traitor,” “Terrorist,” “Don’t Tread” and “Give Back Your Passport,” I plan on doing so again on Saturday. I’d go into the reasons why, but either you know me or you probably don’t care that much, so I’ll get on with the preview.

Know Thy Enemy: Algeria

Just thought I'd quickly give you the third part of my aforepromised (no, it's not actually a word, but you know exactly what it means) "Know Thy Enemy" series. Tomorrow the U.S. plays Algeria. A win puts the Americans in the knockout rounds. Since I've been out of the loop for the past few days, I don't know whether or not our soccer guru is going to have anything for you by tomorrow, so this may have to do in terms of a game preview. But isn't it fun to have Daniel back? He'll knock the rust off soon, I promise.

So I did some research on Algeria, and I really don't know what to say. 90% of Algerians live near the coast, because that's really the only livable part of the entire country. That's right, Algeria. Your country is a giant wasteland. Sam Kinison, what do you have to say about this?

USA-Slovenia Preview

We're happy to be joined once again by our soccer guru, Bradley, who's here to preview USA-Slovenia. Spit your gospel, Nostradamus:

A disclaimer before I preview USA-Slovenia: I just had my wisdom teeth removed and am very high on painkillers. I apologize if I make up words, players, or even countries. (Note: Slovenia is in fact a real country, despite it disguising itself as a small village. I am not making this place up, I swear.)

The main word that comes to mind about Friday’s match against Slovenia is “scary”. The US is the favorite, and is expected to take care of business. But this may not be that simple. The USA has a terrible track record of not showing up to play when they are favored to win. Just ask Ghana.

Know Thy Enemy: Slovenia

In advance of each of the USA's World Cup matches, The Couchwarmers are happy to bring you a series called "Know Thy Enemy." If you want insightful match analysis, you're gonna have to look elsewhere -- that's not what this is about. However, if you're looking for jingoistic taunts aimed at antagonizing the other side, welcome. Next up for Uncle Sam, Slovakia Serbia Slovenia: 

I'll be honest with you, I didn't know too much about Slovenia before I started writing this up, so I did some research. Well, after poring over Wikipedia and Googling "slovene stereotypes," I've come to the realization that Slovenia is boring. Like, really, really fucking boring. Shove-a-hammer-and-sickle-through-your-eye boring.

Need examples? Well, here are some facts from a travel guide:

USA-England Recap

Bradley, our resident soccer expert, will be here throughout the World Cup, providing previews and recaps for the U.S. matches. Today, he's back for an analysis of USA's glorious tie over England. And yes, as he won't hesitate to tell you, he was one Michael Bradley goal away from a perfect pre-game prediction. He's like a soccer Nostradamus -- or a miniature Buddha covered in hair. I cede the floor to you, soccer guru:

“If you buy a ticket, sometimes....you win a raffle”.

This fantastic commentating comes from Martin Tyler, who couldn’t have described this terrible goal better. It was a gift from the Gods, in a game that felt like it was already lost. If you had offered me a 1-1 draw before this game started, I would have taken it, no question. In the 4th minute, when Ricardo Clark decided marking Steven Gerrard was not important, I would have sold my left kidney to get a point out of that game. Probably my right too. This was a fantastic result for the U-S-A. The New York Times had it right in their headline: USA WINS 1-1.

Weekend Recap, Now with Vuvuzelas

BUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZ. BUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. BUUUUZZZZZZZZZZ.

Welcome back for another work week, loyal readers. For those of you who are upset at having to start another week of work/school, here's something that's sure to put a smile on your face:

BUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. BUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZ.

Remember that? Wasn't that awesome? Let's recap:

England Preview: The One with Actual Soccer Knowledge

This guest post comes to us from Bradley, who unlike me, actually knows a lot about soccer. He's here to preview today's World Cup match between England and the U.S. I hope you're ready to get hit with some soccer knowledge:

When the World Cup draws came out, English newspaper headlines read:

Very clever, England. You still refer to us as Yanks, reminding yourselves of a pathetic defeat to your very own colony. You see, it is incredibly enjoyable to make fun of England, as Sam has already so eloquently done. But while tea and Hugh Grant do suck, it is not my job to rip on England, but rather to prove how they will lose from a soccer standpoint. On Saturday, the USA will once again be victorious. Really. Here's why:

Know Thy Enemy: England

In advance of each of the USA's World Cup matches, The Couchwarmers are happy to bring you a new series called "Know Thy Enemy." If you want insightful match analysis, you're gonna have to look elsewhere -- that's not what this is about. However, if you're looking for jingoistic taunts aimed at antagonizing the other side, welcome. First up for Uncle Sam, those foppish dandies from across the pond: 

The U.S. takes on England tomorrow at 2:30PM, in what has to be the one of the most eagerly anticipated matches in U.S. history. Of course, I'm sure you all remember what happened the last time the U.S. played England:

What about the time before that?

The Most Dramatic Conference Realignment Plan You'll Hear

I don't know about you, but I'm loving this whole NCAA conference realignment thing. This might be the most excited I've been about college sports in a long time, save for a recent NCAA basketball championship. Basically, these schools are deciding on the future face of college sports. In addition, there's the added drama of a few big-name colleges (e.g., Kansas) potentially being left out in the cold by other schools' defections.

The rumors are flying: Big 12 schools are leaving for the Pac-10, Big 10, and/or the SEC; additionally, the SEC might possibly be plundering schools from other conferences as well. Some decisions are supposed to come down today.

People are saying that with these new conferences, the NCAA won't be necessary anymore. These mega-conferences will be free to create their own inter-conference championship games, finally ridding college football of the BCS. There will be much dancing and joyous celebration in the streets. People will light small fires and happily dance around them in circles.