A New Voice

Tomorrow, I will be venturing upstate to Cornell University for Slope Day and so I will likely be too busy this weekend pretending I'm still in college to post. However, have no fear: the Couchwarmers have a plan b. Sam and I have a mutual friend who has arguably spent more time warming a couch recently than either of us, having lived on his friend's couch for the past six months. He fits the Couchwarmers' contributory requirements: he is unemployed, watches a lot of television and is well-versed in all things pop culture and sport. Therefore, in preparation for my possible post sabbatical, Sam and I have offered Peter the opportunity to guest post. If he blogs as well as he cuts whatever he's cutting in the picture above, then we're all in for a treat. This space is sacred; we have a loyal readership to cater to and we've made that clear to Peter but he insists that he is up to the task.

So here's the deal:

The Story Behind the Story

On any given day, a lot of things happen that are picked up and reported on by the media. Most of the time though, what you hear on TV and read online is just what's right in front of you. Often, you have to filter through all of the garbage to look for the real news in any given story. This is where I help you do exactly that.

Now, I give you three stories as they were reported originally, and with a little help, you'll see what you missed the first time around:

And Now, Your Obligatory LOST Post

Tonight, LOST returns for its final stretch of three episodes, plus a two-hour season finale. As this is a blog where you're expecting all things couch-related, I would be remiss if I didn't at least post something about what has been perhaps the most culturally-pervasive TV show of the past five years -- it's even spawned its own subculture, complete with video games and a show-specific Wikipedia site. So because Daniel doesn't watch LOST and I do, it's up to me to talk about it. As I did when I talked about Band of Brothers, I'll try to avoid spoilers, but a few might slip through the cracks.

Traffic: God's Way of Saying F*ck You

There is one thing I hate more than anything else.

OK, maybe I don't hate it more than being tasered at a baseball game or having an eel shoved up my rectum, but it's close.

I absolutely hate traffic. I've tried to understand why it happens and I still can't wrap my head around it. To me, it just seems like the 1990 Nissan Altima that is stopped in front of me should just drive faster. I honk, I bang on the steering wheel, I yell obscenities out of the window and I even blast hardcore rap music in order to bother the surrounding cars enough to move away from me but none of it works.

What I know about traffic is the following...

An Open Casting Call

This Wednesday afternoon, the Yankees play the Orioles at Yankee Stadium at 1PM. Games like this one are always a celebration of the unemployed, as the crowd is always made up of people who don't have anywhere to be on a workday afternoon. For this reason, tickets to these games can typically be found at much lower prices than most others, as people with jobs (as in, the majority of people who can afford Yankees season tickets) are usually looking to unload tickets to games like this. Add this to the fact that the opponent is one of the worst teams in the league, and you've got a ticket price perfect storm. Last I checked, you could get a bleacher seat for $3, upper deck behind the plate for as little as $5, or a 200-level ticket for as low as $13 -- a non-working man's special if I've ever seen one.

Weekend Recap, Now with Fried Enema

Welcome back for another work week, loyal readers. For those of you who are upset about having to start another week of work/school, here's something that's sure to put a smile on your face:

Originally we were gonna go with this picture, but the one above just seemed to "stick."

Now, on to the weekend recap:

Ridiculous Hypotheticals: Toilet vs. TP

In case you missed Part I, here's everything you need to know. Basically, we asked for you guys to weigh in on if you could only have toilets or toilet paper for the rest of your life, which would you take? We gave you guys a chance to voice your opinions before we put it to a vote, and the emails were everything we had hoped for. Without further ado, the arguments: