Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Funny and the Informative

I have to say I enjoyed Ken Burns' Baseball: The Tenth Inning, or as it was alternatively titled, Yankees and Red Sox Highlights From the Past Fifteen Years. If I'm a White Sox fan (which, thank God, I'm not), I'm a little bit upset that they spent roughly half an hour talking about Boston breaking their 86-year championship curse, but only spent about five seconds showing the last out of the White Sox breaking their 88-year title drought. For the most part though, the show was enjoyable -- it just didn't stack up to the original documentary. The original felt like one of the most interesting history lessons I'd ever had. This addition felt like a Sportscenter special which dealt with the Yankees, the Red Sox, and steroids.

But much like Major League Baseball after the steroid era, I'm ready to move on, and give you something to take your mind off the fact that on the east coast, at least temperature-wise, Fall has arrived. Here at The Couchwarmers, we like to specialize in both the funny and the informative. Oh yeah, and ass shots too. Those really get the pageviews.

First, the informative:

Ever wondered what to do if you're in a free-falling elevator? I mean, you're probably fucked, regardless. But what action should you take to give yourself the biggest chance of not being turned into a pile of elevator juice?

According to author Mary Roach:
The best way to survive in a falling elevator is to lie down on your back. Sitting is bad but better than standing, because buttocks are nature's safety foam. Muscle and fat are compressible: they help absorb the G-forces of the impact.
As for jumping up in the air just before the elevator hits bottom, it only delays the inevitable. Plus, then you might be squatting when you hit. In a 1960 Civil Aeromedical Research Institute study, squatting on a drop platform caused "severe knee pain" at relatively low G forces. "Apparently the flexor muscles ... acted as a fulcrum to pry open the knee joint," the researchers noted with interest and no apparent remorse.
Yeah, that "jumping right before impact" thing is bullshit. And not only because really, when you're inside the elevator, you couldn't possibly know when impact was going to be.

And now that I've filled your mind with thoughts of failing machinery and exploding body parts, the funny:

I've always maintained a strong dislike for Twitter. Yes, I know The Couchwarmers have an account. But this is just because when it comes to self-promotion, we have absolutely no shame. Actually, when it comes to most things, we have absolutely no shame -- keep in mind that our last post was just a picture of a butt. Still, I appreciate Twitter feeds that provide some sort of comic relief.

TracyKWJordan is a perfect example. 30 Rock fans know that character/it's-just-a-stage-name-for-Tracy-Morgan-with-the-same-exact-personality-as-him Tracy Jordan has some crazy ideas. And we've all known for a while now that Kanye West is pretty much the same way.

But until now, I didn't realize just how alike these two are. This is because the TracyKWJordan Twitter feed simply takes all of Kanye's tweets and adds the words "Liz Lemon" to them. Do this, and -- voila -- you get Tracy Jordan. It's actually a little scary. But it's more funny than it is scary.

And if you want something that's both funny and informative, here you go. If Chad Ochocinco gives you a phone number, don't call it, because that number is most likely a phone sex line. Or do call it. Whatever. Just be aware of what you're doing. And that those things are like fifteen bucks a minute.

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