Friday, September 3, 2010

Summer Recap, Now with Life Goals 'n Stuff

If a cobra fought a mongoose, who would win?

Rejoice, loyal readers. I'm back. I know that Daniel promised to keep the site alive while I was gone. Well, so much for that. Whatever. I'm back and ready to crank this thing up again. You no longer have to suffer through Daniel's LeBron ramblings. Also, for those of you who follow us on Twitter, I apologize for Daniel ignoring it, unless he was tweeting Matthew Berry asking for fantasy football advice.

Therefore, for hooking The Couchwarmers up to a life support machine and then leaving the room, I'm dedicating the following to video to you:

Actually, I just wanted to find a way to post that video. If it's catchy and obscene, you'll be sure to find it here. I hold no ill will towards Daniel. It wasn't his fault that LeBron climbed inside his brain and refused to leave until he'd booked a one-way ticket to Miami. I'm changing the dedication on the video. Now it's going out to LeBron. Fuck you, LeBron.

Now back to the issue at hand: me. What have I been doing with myself? And what are these life goals which I referenced in the title of this post? All together now: Who are you and what have you done with Sam?

Well to start, camp was awesome, as usual, even though I was stuck in an office for a few hours every day doing some scheduling stuff. But I guess that's what happens when you've been there a few years. More responsibility, but also the chance that one day, they might give you a personalized candy machine. If the candy people are reading this, I like Snickers bars. But not Snickers salad. That stuff looks gross.

Yes, I know I promised to put some posts up over the summer, but once I got there, I realized that my jobs at camp took priority. And when I was done with those, I wanted nothing more than to just hang out and do camp stuff. To all you loyal readers, I apologize for my absence. But now, I'm back and ready to give you what you've come to know and love from The Couchwarmers.

I got back from camp about two weeks ago. Yes, I know -- why haven't I been posting since then? Well, I've had more important things to worry about, such as, you know, applying to grad school. And thanks to rolling admissions, I'm already a grad student.

For those of you who care, I'm getting my Master's in Teaching at Manhattanville College. I'm going for secondary math education, which will certify me to teach math in Grades 5 through 12. But mainly, I'm going so I can brainwash America's youth. As a friend put it, "I can only imagine you going to grad school with dark, dark motives." This would be that. Estimated date that my army will be ready to take over a major metropolitan city: 2021. Have no worries, though -- all Couchwarmers readers will be safe. Just smear your door with lamb's blood when the time comes. Hey, it's worked before.

And now, a quick break from being mature to dish out some toilet humor. Look at the title of this article! This one too! I don't think you guys are gonna have to worry about grad school changing the type of cutting-edge reporting you're gonna find here. Or the valuable life advice that we dish out. Although the article says nothing about how A.C. Slater-ing (or as I prefer to call it, Koala-ing) affects your health. Perhaps a Couchwarmers investigative report is in order.

That being said, now that I'm actually doing something with myself, the posts won't be as frequent. I'm not going to drop down to Daniel's once-every-four-weeks level of updating the site, but the days of twice-daily posts are most likely done. Expect new stuff to go up a few times every week.

As for Daniel -- he's done, I guess? His motivation to post was last seen wandering alone in the south Bronx at 2AM with a big wad of cash sticking out of its pocket and spewing racial epithets. My guess is that it isn't coming back.

I do know that he got some sort of job working recruitment for some school that's not gonna exist until 2012. Could it be a scam? Possibly. Odds that there's actually a school? I'd put it at 50/50. And if the school does exist, is there a decent chance that he'll do a good job recruiting for about a month, but then get bored with it and only show up to recruit from then on out when he wants to say something about LeBron James? I've already made my point here.

So, yes -- he has a job now and I'm a full-time student. Neither of us are technically part of the 9.7% (or whatever it's at now) anymore. But -- and I'm only speaking for myself when I say this -- I really like doing this. It's fun to write this stuff. And a lot of you have told me that you enjoy reading it. True, you may be bullshitting me. But I don't care. As long as I'm enjoying doing this, The Couchwarmers lives on.

First up, I'm taking a Labor Day road trip this weekend to Cooperstown, Syracuse, Buffalo, and Toronto. There will definitely be a post or two about that. And next weekend, I'm judging my first barbecue contest. As always, when I eat something awesome, you'll be sure to hear about it.

And now back to the other issue at hand: the animal fight. Cobra vs. Mongoose. Got a guess? Good. Now watch the video and find out for yourself. Enjoy the weekend.


  1. So you're saying Kubin did nothing?

  2. Can you live-tweet the barbecue contest?

  3. Sorry...I don't want to get my phone covered in barbecue sauce.