Monday, March 29, 2010

First Round, Part I

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Welcome to the first round of the of 2010 Invention Bracket Spectacular! Over the next week or so, we’ll be allowing you to vote to determine the winning invention out of our field of 65. For each matchup, we’re asking you to vote on which invention matters the most to you. Basically, if you were given the choice between the two items in each matchup and could only use one of them -- or if mankind could only use one of them -- forever, which one would it be?

We’ve included a few older inventions in our field -- you should look at these in terms of what they’ve helped to create. For example the printing press gave rise to the widespread distribution of literature, the cotton gin caused massive growth in the production of cotton, and of course the gimp mask was integral to the plot of Pulp Fiction.

Now, a word on some things we chose not to include. We decided against putting the wheel in our bracket. The wheel is in a whole different league. If we had included the wheel, we might as well have just said “transportation.” And I don’t know anyone who’d give up everything but horses and dogsleds in place of any of the other inventions in our bracket.

Secondly, we didn’t include things we classified as “discoveries” rather than inventions -- this eliminates electricity, fire, Zubaz, etc. We also didn’t list things that were ideas rather than tangible items, so no religion or government.

Finally, things like tampons, bras, and birth control are in the women’s draw. But we don’t broadcast that tournament, because it’s really really boring. Also, the bong failed a pre-tournament drug test and was disqualified.

Yesterday, we asked you to vote on our play-in game, which matched Duct Tape against the Stapler. This game was never in doubt, as duct tape had its way with its overmatched opponent. It moves on to the first round.

Today, we’ll be voting on first round games for two regions, the Edison Region and the Franklin Region. Voting for these matchups will be open until we post the other half of the first round, on Tuesday afternoon. Remember, by voting, you’re validating our existence. To the games!

Some highlights of Day 1 include:

(8) Remote Control vs. (9) Video Games: Would you rather have to stand up to change the channel forever, or completely give up video games?

(6) Toilet vs. (11) Toilet Paper: Mankind will finally have the answer to the all-important question -- would you rather crap in outhouses/holes in the ground for the rest of your life, or not be able to use toilet paper?

(7) Cotton Gin vs. (10) Threshing Machine: Just so you can look it up on Wikipedia.

(5) Interstate Highway System vs. (12) Radio: Would you rather take road trips on crappy local roads or not be able to use the radio while you drive?

(7) Guns vs. (10) Dynamite: Finesse vs. Power.


  1. with a little fiddling of my desktop icons, this is now my background image. Keep posting it as we go through the rounds and I'll keep updating it. You can feel all international and shit.

  2. Fantastic. Be it because of Steve Guttenberg?

  3. I only had two upsets, radio over interstate highway system, and dynamite over guns.

  4. i could care less where I shit as long as i have toilet paper

  5. Sadly, Eli Whitney is dead, Leland.