What Should I Make For Dinner?

I'm serious. I need ideas. Those of you who knew me a few years ago may remember me as the guy who was happy to pop something in the microwave and call it a meal. On nights that I was feeling really adventurous, my George Foreman Grill and a badly-formed burger patty passed as gourmet. But in the past year or two, with all the free time I have, I've decided to learn how to cook.

When you have all the free time in the world, cooking just makes sense. It takes time out of your day. Homemade food is always better than store-bought. But most importantly, you've actually done something on any given day if you've cooked. It's not unlike a toddler dropping a deuce in the toilet and proudly showing his parents what he's done -- it's just that in my case, instead of a steaming pile of shit, it's a steaming pile of food. In a few hours, it's all the same thing anyway.

So what have I cooked? Well, grilled chicken and sausage kabobs, jambalaya, and homemade soft pretzels are three of my proudest accomplishments. And before you mock me for the soft pretzels, just try it for yourself. They are scrumtrilescent -- I promise. Now I know what you're thinking: is this just a post where I get to brag about my cooking and show off pictures of my food? Yep.

Well, mostly. I'm also here to inform my unaware loyal readers of what is perhaps the best resource out there for dinner dilemmas, the appropriately titled What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner? It's basically a website that randomly generates meal suggestions. If the suggestion looks good to you, click on it and the recipe comes up. If you want to spin the wheel again, click on "I don't fucking like that" and a new suggestion comes up. I'll be honest -- a lot of the suggestions suck. But there are definitely a handful with promise.

Plus, every now and then the generator malfunctions and no suggestion comes up, which leads to something that looks like this:

Well, sure. But after that, I'm probably gonna be even hungrier. 

And yes, before you can say it, I'm aware that the "I don't fucking eat meat" option applies here too. But I've been looking at this thing for about half an hour now and nothing stands out. So if you've got a suggestion for something I can cook tonight, let's hear it.

And don't suggest fucking. I've already gotten that one like three times. I don't fucking eat meat.