Fans of all that is right in the world can relax -- the Flyers didn't win the Stanley Cup. Maybe fans in Detroit and other hockey cities in the midwest are upset that Chicago won, but I'd have to think that most of the country is very happy with this result. Especially me. God, I hate the Flyers.
Why? Because they're all thugs. And criminals. And horse rapists. But mostly because they're all thugs. And Dan Carcillo's moustache is disgusting.
On the other side of the coin, props to the Blackhawks on winning their first Stanley Cup since 1961. It really is amazing how the franchise has turned itself around over the past few years. Diehard Blackhawks fans (I know there are many more of you than there were several months ago) definitely deserve this one.
But most importantly, this is yet another example of how you can be a dick and get away with it just as long as you're good at sports. Congrats, Patrick Kane -- you're going to get a whole lot of praise for winning the Stanley Cup. But you still punched a cab driver last year over an argument about spare change. So you're a champion. But a champion who I think is a dick. Still, you're not as bad as Crosby.
For those of you who didn't watch, the ending was very strange -- Kane scored the winning goal in overtime but the puck got wedged inside the goal padding and wound up hidden so the only people who knew he'd scored were the handful of people on the ice who had actually seen the puck go in. Eventually, everyone realized it though and the celebration was on. But that wasn't even the strangest part of the post-game. No, that came during the studio recap when Jeremy Roenick decided to show us his gaping vagina.
As if Jeremy Roenick crying wasn't awkward enough, Mike Milbury went all "creepy uncle who's had too much to drink" on Roenick in an attempt to stop the tears.
C'mon, Jeremy -- there's no crying in hockey. Unless of course you've won five Stanley Cups. Then you can cry as much as you want.
And with that, another season is in the books. Congrats again to Chicago. I laugh at your tears, Philadelphia. We'll see you next year, NHL.