Sunday, April 11, 2010

Elite Eight Recap

I know many of you have been clamoring for the elite eight results (and if I were in your shoes, I would also be eagerly anticipating the recap) but sometimes "other things" get in the way of our posting schedule. Today, for instance, my internet was down and I was going to call Belkin to figure out what was wrong, but, you know, the Masters was on. Anyway, lucky for you, Phil's gutsy performance gave me the strength to call and fix the problem and now you get your dose of bad puns. I dare you not to laugh.

(1) Television upends (2) Printing Press, 56-44
Television put on a good show in this one. Its strength was in its ability to set wide screens. I would say that this matchup rewrote the history books but, with the printing press gone, we don't have books to rewrite. Maybe we'll make it the subject of an AMC documentary instead.

(1) Telephone lights up (2) Light Bulb, 51-49
The light bulb was on to begin the game. We were sure that the light bulb was going to have its one shining moment in the Final Four. However, telephone was the benefactor of a missed call late in the game  and the light bulb had no answer. Telephone sent a message in this one; it doesn't just ring opponents up anymore.

(2) Internet surfs over (1) Computer, 67-33
This was the matchup everybody had been waiting for. Computer was asleep for the first half of this contest and it wasn't getting to the key at all. By the time the key was touched, computer finally woke up, but it was too late. There were definitely sites to be seen as Internet won in a rout(er). Internet has cast a worldwide web over its fan base during its run to the Final Four; we don't anticipate any yahoos taking this juggernaut down.

(1) Automobiles tie (6) Antibiotics, 50-50
Our first tie and it occurs in the Elite Eight...what suspense! We turned to the Couchwarmers Handbook for Resolving Idiotic and Silly Tiffs (aka, the CHRIST) for this one. The protocol that the CHRIST lays out for settling ties of this matter is (in sequential order):
  • Giving the Couchwarmers Ombudsman the final vote (we called him, but apparently he goes to sleep before my 98-year-old grandmother does)
  • Flipping a coin (Sam and I argued over who would flip the coin. Too much effort. We moved on to #3.)
  • Eeny Meeny Miny Moe (We weren't sure about the exact wording of this and wikipedia didn't help much either.)
  • Drawing straws (We didn't have any straws.)
  • Let the Couchwarmers decide.
Since we had exhausted options 1-4, we had to decide. We like upsets of all kinds, except stomachs and communist dictators. In the spirit of Daniel Ruettiger, we steered clear of automobiles and gave antibiotics the nod.

So there we have it folks: television, telephone, internet and antibiotics make up the Final Four. The brackets will go up tomorrow night because we have to wait about 24 hours between doses for the antibiotics to have full effectiveness. Until then, keep reading -- we're at least more entertaining than work.


  1. Antibiotics!!!! Keep the dream alive (and harmful bacteria free!)

  2. How do can you access the internet without computers...?

  3. I would like to echo Jon's computers = no internet. And I'm convinced the results of the tv over the printing press was rigged. The TV has to win or the couchwarmers have no job. It is unlikely either of them read books, there is an inherent flaw in the system.

  4. It's called an iPhone, Jamie. I believe you've had one for about 10 years now. In the game preview, we said for the sake of this tournament, they were different from computers. You definitely should have read that, you know, with your "books" and your "literacy"....

  5. these puns get me every time. godamn.