Get to Know Your Remote

Yes, tomorrow afternoon is the final round of The Masters. And yes, if Tiger is still among the leaders, it will be sports theatre at its finest. And yes, if he sinks a putt on 18 to win it and then immediately runs into the crowd, drops his pants, and starts a massive orgy in the gallery, it will immediately become one of whose "where were you when..." moments. But for all of you living in the New York and Philadelphia metro areas, there's something else happening on your moving picture boxes that promises to be just as exciting.

I, of course, am talking about the Rangers-Flyers hockey game at 3PM on Sunday afternoon. If you're even a little bit of a hockey fan, you'll at least utilize the Jump button on your remote to go back and forth between the two. And if you're not a hockey fan, here's your chance to see a potentially amazing game, between two teams who absolutely hate each other, with everything on the line. Listen, I understand how important most of you think The Masters is -- but quickly, without looking it up, who won The Masters two years ago?

For those of you who use the "I only watch playoff hockey" excuse, tomorrow is basically a play-in game. Here's the situation: the Rangers beat the Flyers last night. The two teams are now tied for the eighth and final playoff spot. The game tomorrow is the last game of the regular season. Win, and you're in the playoffs; lose, and you can start making Monday tee times.

You see that picture? Well, that picture was taken during a preseason game. These teams have despised each other since the Flyers came into the league. This year, the level of animosity has been ratcheted up even higher since a January incident where Daniel Carcillo, resident Philadelphia enforcer (read: goon), fought Rangers star Marian Gaborik. As the article above explains,

Like any sport, there are "rules" to hockey fights, which are now commonly referred to as "The Code". "The Code" includes guidelines like don't sucker punch someone when they aren't looking and that players who make their living fighting (known as "enforcers") don't fight superstar skilled players who rarely or never drop the gloves. That's the hockey equivalent of a 10th grader beating up a 5th grader in the school yard.

The Rangers hate the Flyers. The Flyers hate the Rangers. And whoever wins tomorrow will be the only team of the two that makes the playoffs. I will personally guarantee hard hits, fights, and players laying their bodies on the line, doing anything for the win. On CBS, all you'll see is a guy who laid his body on several syphilitic cocktail waitresses.

Plus, the hockey game will end before The Masters ends. So if you're really set on watching azaleas and dudes in khakis, keep hitting that Jump button until about 5:30, when you can switch over to CBS for good. Or if you need to hear Jim Nantz talking in hushed tones for minutes-on-end between shots, you can utilize that wonderful invention, the DVR, and watch both events in their entirety.

I understand that many of you are still skeptical. But all I'm asking is that, if it's on in your area, you give the hockey game a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised. And for those of you who came up with "Trevor Immelman" without looking it up....congratulations, you're a golf fan. But you should still DVR the hockey game anyway.