Friday, May 14, 2010

The Building That's Also a Pinwheel

Tomorrow, I head down to the City of Brotherly Love for the weekend for my sister's graduation. For those of you who don't know me, I actually lived and worked in Philly for a year after I graduated. Yes, actual work, like grown-ups do. But I don't like talking about it.

I know when I first posted my Thursday night as a sandwich theory, many of you clamored for more of the madness going on in my head, so I'll indulge you with something Philadelphia-related that might be the "conspiracy-est" one of my theories. If they find me face-down in a vat of Cheez Whiz this weekend, it's up to one of you to expose this evil scheme, since the powers that be in Philly will have gotten wise to my snooping. Either that, or I just had the best weekend ever. Cheez Whiz isn't a bad way to go.

This theory revolves around the Cira Centre, a building in Philadelphia that opened up about five years ago. During the day, it looks like a big, reflective structure. During the night, it looks like a laser light show. On the surface, this seems like a pretty cool thing. The building usually has a light blue/dark blue pattern to it, but it doesn't have to. Sometime it's a flower. Sometimes it supports the local teams. One time, it was a gigantic pinwheel with colors swirling around everywhere.

So what's so bad about this? Seems like an interesting addition to a city's skyline. Well, it would be -- if it wasn't right alongside of and in full view of the expressway. You see, I-76 through Philadelphia is a notoriously dangerous place to drive. So just in case the road isn't hazardous enough, why not distract drivers by building something that appears to swirl around like a giant pinwheel?

I remember driving on the expressway on New Years Day 2008 and seeing the pinwheel design. It was fascinating. I couldn't take my eyes off it. Even with seven roads merging into one and cars swerving to avoid the giant highway potholes, I had to keep looking at the building. It may have been the most dangerous part of my Philly career, and I had an apartment in West Philadelphia.

So where does the conspiracy part of the theory come in? Right here. The building is basically attached to the Philadelphia train station. The main tenant of the building is Amtrak. So what happens if you wreck your car because you're too busy staring at the giant goddamn pinwheel? That's right -- you have to take the train while your car is being fixed. Amtrak wants you to get distracted, get in accidents, and have to take the train.

And that's your daily dose of crazy for today.

On tap for the weekend:

Another Game 7! The Flyers attempt to come all the way back from a 3-0 series deficit against the Bruins. I'm really torn here. I hate the Flyers more than the Bruins, so it should be an easy choice who to root for here. But part of me wants a Boston team to blow a 3-0 series lead, so whenever they show the "Teams Who Came Back From 3-0" graphic, all the people who love seeing the 2004 Red Sox on there would also be reminded of this series. Yes, it's pure spite -- but misery loves company.

Now that the Cavs have been eliminated, that puts an end to the 2009-2010 NBA season. Next up, free agency, followed by the start of next season. What -- the season's not over? No, I'm pretty sure it is. I watched SportsCenter like eight times this morning. If there was another series, I'm pretty sure they would have mentioned it on the show. The season's definitely over.

A horse race that's not the Kentucky Derby. Whoop-dee-shit.

Thanks for sticking with us through yet another week. Here are your Friday reward videos, plural. Cheer up, Cleveland. At least you're not Detroit.

The 2nd Cleveland tourism video isn't embeddable, but you can get to it here. Happy weekend.


  1. The Habs have a better regular-season record against the Bruins. I've decided I like the Habs because they beat both the Caps AND the Pens. Therefore, I'm pulling for the Bruins.

  2. Umm, you're also coming for my graduation too? Right?

    He spit in my mouth! Let's go to Cleveland!