An Ode to Weekday Sports

And now, with less than half an hour to go until today's Yankees game, I give you an ode to the greatest thing to ever happen to unemployment: weekday sports.

But first, I have to make sure to distinguish weekday sports from weeknight sports. By "weekday sports," I'm specifically talking sporting events that happen while approximately 90.1% of the adult population is at work. You see, these are things that I can watch instead of watching (let's see what else is on at 1PM that I would consider watching): NHL Live, "Ten Commandments of the Mafia" on Discovery, True Life (The Amish One), or my third lap of SportsCenter. Also, on the Smithsonian Channel, there's something called "Panda Breeding Diary." Just letting everyone know, in case you found your way here through a Google search for "thats pucked up .com".

A couple weeks ago, Daniel posted his unemployment thesis, so to speak -- basically, that in order to get through the day, he sits around and furiously bifurcates. Since I don't live in an city environment where anything I'd want to do is a quick walk away, my schedule is much simpler than his. Wake up late morning, watch about three hours of television and then go to the gym for about an hour and a half, since I have absolutely no reason not to. If I'm not going to be working, I'm going to at least be keeping myself in some sort of shape. Plus, no matter what type of gym you belong to, the machines are always much more available during the day. If you wait until after quitting time, you're gonna have to fight people for the ellipticals.

By the time I come home and shower, it's usually already almost 5PM. Then it's just two more hours of time killing before the real good stuff starts on TV at 7PM. So the real trick is finding something to do during the day to keep myself entertained. And when there's a live sporting event on during the daytime hours, this is made considerably easier. The Olympics this year were great -- I could wake up, and regardless of the time, I could watch live hockey, curling, skiing, etc. Those two weeks really flew by.

But when that was over, it was slim pickings again. You see, there's really never any weekday hockey or basketball (save for conference championship week or the first two days of the NCAA tournament -- the Holy Grail of the unemployed). I was stuck with SportsCenter/whatever trashy shows were on, or sometimes with whatever I had saved up on the DVR. And yes, I recorded shows I wouldn't watch otherwise, but with the advanced knowledge that I'd have hours to kill during the day. This is how I know all the secrets of the U.S. Mint -- or at least all the ones that the Discovery Channel felt comfortable telling me. But now with the return of baseball, I once again have something to entertain me during the day.

So thank you, weekday sports, for making life for the 9.9% so much more enjoyable. If I had the resources, I'd send the Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" guys to wax poetic about about you. But since I don't, this is gonna have to do.