Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Google Report

About a month ago, we got our first visitor from a Google search. Since then, more than 100 other people have found their way to our glorious website this way. Many of these were people who searched for TV fuck-ups that we caught, such as "bobby valentine josh johnson," which led them here. Fortunately enough though, most of the searches were slighly irrelevant, or in some cases, just downright weird.

Most likely, this will become a regular feature. If you read on, you'll understand why. So now, for your reading pleasure, we give you our favorite Google searches which sent people to The Couchwarmers in the past month:

A search for "floyd mayweather calls jim rome an asshole" sent a visitor here. We're pretty sure we know what this guy was looking for. Unfortunately, Mayweather was simply stating the proverb that "opinions are like assholes -- everybody has one." He wasn't calling Jim Rome an asshole. At least not on the air.

Several people wound up on this page from searching "thats pucked up .com." If you plug this search into Google, we're the third result from the top. The second from the top is something about New Jersey. And the top result is a fetish porn site. So to all of you who found our blog through this search, I say to you: "Welcome, perverts! Come on in and make yourselves comfortable. Take your gimp mask off and relax a little."

Someone else found themselves here through a search for "urbandictionary vnecks." Am I missing something here? Is there some sort of connotation for the word V-neck that I don't know about? Is it ever appropriate to wear a V-neck with a Cincinnati bowtie?

Yet another person landed here from searching "i liked train before it was overplayed." Me too, Google rando. Me too.

A search for "somehow turned zoubek" sent a visitor here. Obviously, this person was looking for something about how Duke's coaching staff somehow turned Brian Zoubek into a passable NCAA basketball player. Although I'd really like to think of the word "Zoubek" as an adjective here. It could even come to mean "surprising and unexpected positive results." For example: "Greece's economy is in shambles, but analysts are hoping that it could somehow turn Zoubek by the end of the year."

On a similar note, "jesus duke fan" sent someone here. Probably not what they were looking for, but now I've got the image of Buddy Christ wearing a JJ Redick jersey stuck in my head.

Someone else wound up here by searching for "on unemployment studying for the lsat." Congrats, Daniel. You're not alone. There's another lost soul somewhere out there, crying out for help.

Another visitor came to us through a search for "game." Although for the life of me, I can't figure out which page this sent the searcher to. But seriously? You can search the word "game" and wind up here? That's awesome.

"Greg Gumbel" led a visitor here. Yes, welcome to The Couchwarmers -- the world's leading source for all things Greg Gumbel.

And finally, someone wound up on this page through a search for "erection blogspot." To this reader, we apologize for wasting your time.

Actually, for most of these searchers, we probably did nothing but waste your time. But for your completely irrelevant searches, we owe you a hearty thank you. We couldn't have written this one without you.


  1. Brilliant...keep this going

  2. This is the funniest thing Big Brother has ever led to.

  3. Gumbel to Gumbel.

    Mmhmm. Mmhmm.

  4. This post made me think of the game. Sorry.