Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A Couple Extra Shakes

Yesterday, I had to give you an abbreviated weekend recap because I had to head out early to my sister's graduation ceremony. Here are a few more items to round out the weekend/yesterday. Hey, A-Rod and Jorge, are you guys excited to get a little bit more weekend recap?

Damn right you are.

Yes, that was A-Rod and Jorge's reaction in the dugout after Marcus Thames' game-winning walk-off last night. Ladies and gentlemen, let the giant Boston freak-out of '10 begin. Yes, a Red Sox loss, that's a real tragedy -- not the fact that people in Boston are trying to trade their babies for drugs. That's really no big deal. Happens all the time.

Alright, quick quiz: who's leading the NL Central right now? Nope, not the Cards. No second guess? Honestly, I didn't have one either. The correct answer though, is the Reds. Not that I care too much, but this gives me a great opportunity to talk about perhaps my favorite baseball fan ever, Tanner.

You see, last year, I went on a baseball road trip. Tanner sat directly behind us at the Reds game. Tanner was about 6 years old and weighed 100 lbs, if not more. During the duration of the game, Tanner was either eating something, or whining to his mom about wanting to eat something. The Tanner timeline went a little like this:

2nd inning: Tanner and family arrive at their seats. Tanner takes down a hot dog in less than a minute.

3rd inning: The Dippin' Dots guy walks by. "Ma! I want chocolate Dippin' Dots!" screams Tanner. She says no. He whines. She buys them.

4th inning: Tanner and his mom leave in the top of the inning. They return during the bottom half with a blue cotton candy.

5th inning: Tanner finishes the cotton candy. Tanner also now looks like a smurf. Face covered in blue sugar, Tanner turns to his mom and asks, "Hey ma, do you think the line at UDF (an ice cream place) is shorter?"

6th inning: Tanner asks his mom for a sip of her soda. She gives him the soda and he takes a gulp. He complains that the soda is too watered-down and begins to cry.

7th inning: Tanner stops crying when his sister returns to the seats with a bag of peanuts. Tanner snatches the bag, and begins to chow down. Speaking as if he had just discovered a new species, Tanner surprisedly exclaims, "these peanuts taste like peanut butter!" His mom goes for the bag. Tanner starts crying again. His mom gives him the bag back.

8th inning: Finished with the peanuts, Tanner says he wants a pretzel. His mom says no. His sister encourages him, "dance for the pretzel, Tanner!" Tanner begins to gyrate. Tanner becomes winded and sits down. After catching his breath, Tanner begins whining again. His mom packs up all their stuff, and they leave the seats for good, but most likely not before stopping at a pretzel vendor on the way out.

So if you're ever at a Reds game, I encourage you to look for Tanner. He alone is worth the price of admission. Just look for the confluence of food vendors.

Speaking of food vendors, I would be remiss if I didn't put in a plug for Lyn's, the greatest food cart in the world. When I worked in Philly, a sandwich at Lyn's was my daily lunchtime ritual. When I left, I had a friend take a picture of me eating a Lyn's sandwich, wrote a note on it, and gave it to them. They put it up on the side of the cart. Yes, I'm a local food cart celebrity. If you ever get the chance, stop by 36th & Spruce for an awesome sandwich.

And finally, congrats to my sister on graduating. Yes, I'm putting it all the way at the bottom so she'll actually have to read this to get my congratulations, since she so often tells me that she doesn't make a habit of reading me. Mom, please don't tell Madeleine that this is here. She has to find this one on her own.

1 comment:

  1. Michelle Obama would fucking hate Tanner: http://j.mp/cUrQfW